Create Balance and Pursue Your Passion

As a teen, I remember hearing a sermon (yes I actually listened in church as a teen) with a story that went something like this: An oyster at the bottom of the sea was happily living it's own life. It was content and solid in his life. This oyster was healthy and had no problems and lived his day to day life. One day…some how…this oyster got a grain of sand stuck inside it's shell. This grain of sand was painful and irritating…it was all the Oyster could think of day and night.

The oyster started to work the grain of sand, slowly creating a soft layer over it. They layer made it better but the oyster could still feel it and so added another layer…and then another and another. Over time, the oyster made several layers and didn't really notice the grain of sand anymore. The grain of sand was just part of the oyster and lived inside the shell. Eventually what the irritating grain of sand had created was a beautiful pearl. 

It makes me think of many of the challenges I have had in my own life. That thing that irritated me, that made me uncomfortable. It's irritating, it's annoying! It bugs me. Then I start getting creative and I use my own natural abilities to overcome the discomfort I have. I start polishing the problem and smoothing it over until my problem becomes an asset. 

That little grain of sand is like a knock at the door that only gets louder and louder until you answer it. 

I have been in situations in my life where I ask "why me?". There is a saying that  we "choose our own challenges". Often times that is the case. Today I had a friend compliment a necklace I was wearing. This necklace was one that I bought myself as a gift from my former husband. He was a real penny pincher and complained loudly if I spent unauthorized money. He had us each on an allowance and I ever spent more, he had something to day about it and would nit pick the details over each penny. I once remember him giving me a hard time about going to an ATM that was not at our bank and I paid a dollar for processing. He said "do you realize that you went to a different ATM than our bank and we got charged??!!" and I said "how much?" and he said "A dollar!" ….Bwahahaha.. I said "A whole dollar?!?! How can we possibly afford that??" 

Anyway…. I digress… so I was looking at a pretty necklace and I really wanted it and my friend said "Hey, you have a birthday coming up, just buy it and tell him that's what he got you for your birthday.". How could I argue with that? He didn't have a very good track record for getting me gifts I would like (I admit that I'm sometimes hard to please in that department) so I felt it was a win win. 

When I got off the plane and he met me at the gate (Obviously pre-9/11) he immediately noticed the necklace. "Is that a new necklace?", me "yes", him "well how much was it??" Wow… I get off the plane and get a hug then I get grilled for spending money. Nice. I told him "Oh, it's OK, this is my birthday gift from you, Happy Birthday to me.". I suppose he made himself OK with it… I'm not sure how much he budgeted for that upcoming birthday. 

I told my friend, today, the story of the necklace and how it made me realize that it's ok for me to treat myself. That as long as I don't go overboard and spend out of my means and/or don't currently have  a way to up my earnings that I deserve to treat myself when I like. 

The grain of sand was introduced when that friend, Stephanie… who encouraged me to get the necklace was talking to me one day. She was a co worker and she knew what a tightwad my husband was with the cash. She knew that I had an allowance and that I watched my money closely. She mentioned to me one day that I earn money too ..that I work full time and that I should enjoy it. The grain of sand was when Stephanie was going out and asked if anyone else wanted a breakfast item. I asked her to pick me up an orange juice and when she brought it back I asked "how much do I owe you?" and she said "Oh it was only a dollar, it's on me, you keep your allowance money. 

WOW!

After she said that ..over time I started to pay attention to that. The grain of sand went deeper and bugged me more and more each time my former husband nit picked my spending habits. I finally started to realize that I did work full time. I had a conversation with him about how I grew up without much money and that outside my college years, I have been working pretty much full time since I was 15 and it was time for me to enjoy some of my earnings. 

I started spending a little on myself. Not over spending, not taking on a line of credit, just making purchases of things I enjoyed…maybe a new belt that I liked…maybe an affordable pair of shoes. I wasn't breaking the bank. I started polishing the sand and adding layers to my irritation and started to enjoy what I had. Eventually, I felt like I fully deserved to enjoy the money I was earning.. the money I worked for. I came out with a pearl.

It was much to his dismay and yet I felt OK with it. I realized it wasn't OK for him to suppress my happiness and lay needless guilt on me. I realized that I had given him permission to suppress my pleasure. Oh that was such a bad move on my behalf. I am grateful for the sand that my friend Stephanie introduced. I felt terribly uncomfortable with it for a long time and then slowly created my pearl. 

Since then, I have had various grains of sand that I created pearls with and I find that I now have a string of beautiful pearls to display. Pearls are so subtle and beautiful and yet no one can miss their quiet beauty. 

When you are dealing with a grain of sand remind yourself that in the end, when you deal with the grain, it becomes a beautiful pearl of wisdom in your life. What's irritating you? 

Charlotte

www.MomsWithAPassion.com

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